The misunderstanding generally stems from the individual and societal definition attached to the term itself. You like nice things and have an extravagant lifestyle. You are convinced that she is upset with you, that youve done something wrong, although you have no idea what that might be. A Personal Perspective: Valuable lessons to learn during a pivotal decade. We may earn commission from the links on this page. Truly, dating an independent woman is something that many men desire. Over the years, weve brought 50+ million people together through the Power of Positivity this free community is an evolution of our journey so far, empowering you to take control, live your best life, and have fun while doing so. Though it comes in many cinematic styles and is targeted toward a vast array of age ranges: Its the same f*cking story every f*cking movie. Now, things are so different in the 21st century. Meaningful interactions involve feeling "psychologically" near other peopleconnected, close or touched. Strong women have no time to play games. Now imagine dating an independent single woman. WebAnswer (1 of 13): Here are 9 reasons why: 1. 7. WebA woman aboard an American Airlines flight caused quite the scene when she was caught on camera freaking out and heading for the exit over an apparent passenger she said was He has to be confident in himself as a person, and as a man. She has never objected to your getting together with your friendsthis is not a group of guys who get together to go to strip clubs or chase womenand yet even after calling to check in with her, its hard to shake the feeling that youve done something wrong. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. She has her own money, house, and cash! It feels good to live someplace that feels more like the home they grew up in, to have a more regular life that they can count on and relax into, to have a reliable social life that is taken care of for them, and to have some guidance to soothe their anxiety about not knowing what to wear or how to act in more grownup social situations. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". She will not wait for the man to make the first move. There is no one specifically who I was thinking of while writing this. If she has a problem, she deals with it. In fact, it is very important to most men to continually reassure themselves and others that they are not controlled by women. Some men feel that an independent woman may not need them. The term originated inside feminist and lesbian-feminist movements to balance the opposite term gynophobia, which means a fear of On the other hand, there are other men that prefer the old-fashioned Stepford housewife representation of women. document.getElementById( "ak_js" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. The fact is An awful lot of women today are trying to act like men, which is not attractive. To some men, its not easy dealing with some women. She understands and is okay with this, but sometimes the man in her life fails to share this understanding. They will face hurt, heal from their wounds, and get back up ready to conquer whatever is next. 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival. You want to feel free, unencumbered. She will stand by you and show you pure acceptance and confidence. To some extent every person wants to feel important, as though they are needed. Here are some reasons why many men feel threatened by Doesn't depend on anyone to help her do things. Men want to Dont give the strong woman in your life any bogus explanations. Ostracism is a common experience, but one that may have surprising causes. The meak from the bold? WebTerry Real, a renowned couples therapist, lecturer and bestselling author told Forbes, that we all live under patriarchy, which is a rigid dichotomy of gender roles.. You and your partner come home at the end of the day and it seems clear to you that she is upset. This is the case for many women: YOU have the task of living up to what their fathers are or were. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". So many men that nursed the idea of being with independent women have encountered some difficulties while at it. Women who have inner strength cannot tolerate irregularity or indecisive personalities. We tend to admire independence and look down on dependency as a weakness, a dangerous vulnerability. When we throw girls so many mixed messages at once, how can they possibly see the world clearly? What I learned from my rabbit about intimate relationships. Strong women know what they want, how to attain it, and remember all they had to endure to get whatever they have. If you ask to any heterosexual man if hes attracted by an intelligent woman, there are great possibilities that he will says yes. For a long time, men were portrayed as the caretakers, while women were seen as the homemakers. We want to help our community find and shine their inner light the truth of love, light, and positivity that is within us all! If a woman is the one providing then what is the man doing? Women joke about men not being a good fit off the rack and needing alteration, or about needing to train potential partners. The soft launch shouldnt be hard on either of you. Now you both are locked in a mutually destructive cycle; the more you, the woman, push for the emotional connection you yearn for, the more he detaches. Some couples struggle with this transition and remain stuck in an enmeshed relationship that feels suffocating to both partners. She can't help but be true to herself, despite the seemingly endless hurdles she has jump through because of it. These cookies do not store any personal information. Talking about an ex may mean a person have may have unresolved issues from their past relationship. The people who end up in history books because of their undying relentlessness for justice, freedom and self-expression. All healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. You are not her priority. They feel intimidated and like she would never accept to have a relationship with them. Fear of Rejection This is a man who is afraid a woman will suddenly lose interest and abandon him. The Journal of Mens Studies, 17(2), 155-172. Its true (sorry guys). You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. If you choose to remain with this type of woman, be willing to walk beside her . Article Images Copyright , Banish the Unofficial Luggage of Foster Care, What Men Really Think About Successful, Independent Women. The truth is, some men love the idea of being the breadwinners and fending for their wives or partners. However, some men still feel threatened by women who can take care of themselves as it might give the impression that the man is not needed. She knows she can hold her own anywhere, and that there is absolutely zero reason to be frightened unless youre in physical danger. Intimacy intelligence refers to our ability to create and sustain closeness with our intimate partner. Were instructing them to be self-assured, yet every pop culture song on the radio is a bubble gum blonde singing about how much she not only wants, but needs the boy. This article was excerpted from Hidden in Plain Sight: How Mens Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships. For this reason, strong women will find parnters of equal strength; the weak ones wont make it past the first few dates. Sometimes it feels as if every single woman ever to grace the silver screen of a major motion Hollywood picture is depicted the same exact way. WebBusiness, Economics, and Finance. They are, however, just below the surface, and it doesnt take much prompting to recognize them. WebAndrophobia is defined as a fear of men. Weak men dont know what to do with the honesty, strength, intelligence, and independence that is portrayed by a woman of strength. Psychologists suggest that the capacity for truly mature independence rests on the capacity for a mature dependency (Guntrip, 1969). I know that some guys may not deserve it, warrant it, or know what to do with it, but its important to a male psyche. Man (sic) must learn to think of himself as a limited and dependent being; And only suffering teaches him this. Each persons life is changed, and being with their new love consumes their waking thoughts to the point that they want to be together all the time. Please see our Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About | Cookie Policy | Editorial Policy | Contact | Cookie Settings, Power of Positivity uses cookies to give you the most relevant experience. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Guys want to be (or at least feel) needed. A man who may seem to be intimidated by a stronger woman is in reality may just be turned-off due to a desire or preference for the old fashioned type of girl. As the divine independent woman, Mohadesa Najumi once stated: What is it about that statement that resonates with so many of the independent women I know and admire? Crypto We take a look at why this may be so. I love how the human mind workshow fast it takes in data through the eyes, processes and compares it to personal desires and experiences in the mind, and formulates an instant impression. She has her own set of rules that she penned herself with her own ink. The love you receive from a strong woman is faithful. The strong woman is willing to share her scars, and expects you to do the same. Women often enjoy the attention and company of these types of guys for awhile, being the center of a guys attention and being needed, but soon realize that they have nothing to bring to the relationship. I once heard somewhere that in every guy-girl non-dating relationship, one person or the other at some point wants the relationship to go further than just a friendship. They are usually ones who enjoy less high maintenance types of women and doing things for them out of desire rather than out of obligation or need. You yearn to feel off the hook and back to the status quo. In other words, she is strong for a reason, because she has had to be powerful during extremely dark moments. Mom's often unknowingly pass on their relationship disappointments to their daughters. History Lover. A strong woman has endured pain, overcome heart-wrenching experiences, and allowed herself to be led by forgiveness. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE. An architect and former youth worker, he now works with Christian musicians and consults for a number of Christian ministries. When men pretend to be self-reliant, not needing anything from anyone, it gives their partners no place to feel connected to them. From this perspective, dependency is perceived as a dangerous over-extension from the safe base of self-reliance. In his 2011 book Lonely at the Top, Thomas Joiner writes about how men have made a Dorian Gray-like trade of a deep sense of loneliness, emptiness, and disconnection for success in the external world. An independent woman is courageous, shes not scared of being alone. Having come through, she knows she can endure anything else in her path, but this kind of intensity is oftentimes difficult for a man to understand. The dissatisfaction most often starts with the woman. Here are some examples of the ways that mens fears of women show up in intimate relationships. In fact, research has shown that when asked, many men have said that they prefer to date an ambitious woman that is a go-getter. WebA lot of women believe that the traits that make men attractive (strong, financially stable, intelligent, and overall independent) will also make women attractive, but men are looking for different things than women. WebWhile some men are reviled with the idea of an independent woman, others are not. Intimate partners also make more intentional efforts to be more open and vulnerable with each other than they are in public. But as a man, I put childish ways behind me. Notice that this is a statement. So where does the fear come from? Independence that does not rest on mature If you ask Tom, or any other man, if he is afraid of being controlled by his wife/partner, he will, of course, adamantly deny it. Its like things change and change is usually a hard-fought thing. For many men, strength and independence are very attractive feminine traits. WebNot true. An independent womans confidence is not reliant on others, it comes from a far more powerful, stable place: within herself. The most important action a person can take to maintain their relationship and stay in love is to be kind. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. All rights Reserved. Our editors handpick the products that we feature. Women want nice guys nice guys with opinions who stand up for themselves and know how to take control. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. That is similar to you, but not too much. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. I'm Still SingleIs Something Wrong with Me? Are We Remembering or Forgetting the Sabbath? Strong women have tenacious personalities that can be highly intimidating for some men. That's why they're the great groundbreakers of the universe. She will require intimacy in all forms, from conversation to making love. They are gracefully climbing career ladders, taking charge of businesses, and leading in places of power. Whether as entrepreneurs, typical working-class women, or even as stay-at-home mums. Show these examples to a few of your male friends and colleagues and watch their expressions shift from puzzled to dawning recognition. Do Personality Traits Predict How We Get Along With Others? Here are the 7 most common causes of fear of commitment: Cause #1: Hes had a controlling partner in the past. She will never tolerate a sense of falseness and selfishness. Research explores how porn viewing habits may influence relationship quality. Its important to acknowledge these feelings. Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and speaker who writes about the internal lives of men and their intimate relationships. What makes a strong woman? They are either themselves independent, self-assured, and established, or they are very dependent, unsure of themselves and basically mamas-boy (looking for someone to take care of them). When it goes well, as it often does at the beginning of a relationship, this is a great example of how couples can help each other learn to become more fully themselves, to live into the potential of who they are. Sassy & Dlyte discuss- Why is it that independent women are disproportionately single? Guys want to be the man in the relationship (granted some dont act like it, but in their defense many were never showed this in their home while growing up). She has the most powerful freedom of all, freedom of the mind. It might be a good idea to ask about their dads, meet them if possible and emulate (not fake) some of the traits. It does not store any personal data. In many cases, a self-assured, confident, and assertive lady who has a stable career or life could be wrongly perceived as someone who is overly satisfied and has no place for any man in her life. What really gets under my skin is that society does a pretty damn good job at pretending to "love" and "celebrate" the independent woman. A question that I am often posed by them is this: What do Christian guys think of women like me? Knowing that this is a loaded question, I usually find some politically correct answer that seems to pacify them for the moment and move on. Dependency gets a bad name in our culture, particularly among men. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Because she's not afraid to get in trouble. He needs to know that he is battling for his womans eternal love and admiration. Many men can be intimidated by a woman who is capable of doing everything for herself. Independence. There is also a difference between a woman who, when a man opens the door for her, thanks the man, and opens the next door for him, and a woman who, when a man opens the door for her, says "I can get my own door. She was the type of girl who always took school projects to the next level, the kind of student whogave teachers anxiety when she went to present to the classroom. Posted November 13, 2021 But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. For such a woman, she doesnt need you to survive. And you better believe shes not afraid of expressing her fresh perspective and well educated point-of-view either. When you think about your friends, how far would you go to protect and help them? After all independent people, male or female or anyone in between, aren't ones to take the easy way out. It is said that men are so reluctant to ask for help that they would rather stay lost than let anyone know that they cant figure it out for themselves. They require a man who can be honest and vulnerable because they have endured so much and want to believe they are not alone. This type of woman will follow you to the depths of hell if she knows you are committed to her. Gradually, most couples grow out of this stage and find their way to a more mature independence that retains some of the intensity of their initial dependency while integrating more room to be independent people with independent lives. Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and speaker who writes about the internal lives of men and their intimate relationships. WebGabriel Nichols book titled Commitment Issues in Men looks at how intimidation can be one reason why men fear commitment in relationships. WebBeing with an independent woman can expose weaknesses or challenge a mans abilities in the skills that she knows, thus injuring his ego. She can have fun with you and can leave whenever she wants. When men need help they often try to manage it on their own so as not to be a burden on others, even though they would eagerly step in to provide the same help for someone else. The imperative to attend family occasions. So much has changed and on Thought Catalogue, Hallye Stubblefield points out that formerly, this was what relationship dynamics looked like: Boy meets girl, boy and girl date for a substantial amount of time, boy asks girls parents for her hand, they get married, girl moves in with boy, takes care of the home, possibly works a modest job, submits to her husband; but the boy is the breadwinner, decision-maker, authoritarian, man of the house. Some men feel like such women may not need the man. Many men desire smart and confident women. On the other hand, when men miss the larger point, when they have such a paucity of positive early attachment experiences themselves that they dont recognize, or are not drawn to the closeness their partners are offering, then all of the formerly benign guidance and coaching begins to chafe and seem more and more like criticism and control. Sawubona, the Zulu secret to communicating from the heart, Daredevils at Dusk: We take more risks as the day progresses, What are you looking for in a partner? While men joke about wanting to live the bachelor's life and resenting having a woman trying to socialize them, on some level they appreciate the changes that a woman brings into their life. Not trying to speak for the entire single Christian male population, Ive done some smaller-scale research and have come up with some non-scientific results in order to help women to better understand guys, as well as attempt to educate some men out there, if willing. We lack an understanding of the value of mature dependency, or interdependence. Granted, the person that he meets may be that type of girl, but has just had to fend for herself over the years. Does Your Partner Have Too Much Power Over You? He knows how to either deal with the nights of the soul that arise in any relationship or leave. Strong women dont play little, girly games. An independent woman attains independent thought. All rights reserved. That means handling stress, getting good women's health care, and nurturing yourself. You ask if shes OK, and she insists that she is. If you cant be with her ultimately, she will have no problem moving on. Many guys have told me how they were very interested in a girl, but she kept on emphasizing her independence and all that she was able to accomplish. You are often turned on by other women and masturbate frequently, usually to images of women who dont look much like your partner and to sexual activities that are different from the sex you have with her. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Mens fears of women are most likely to be stimulated in any situation in which men encounter a woman who has more authority than they do, shows evidence of being strong or competent, evidence of being self-confident, or shows that she is angry (Kierski & Blazina, 2010). For reasons you dont fully understand, it becomes increasingly important to you to remain rational and unemotional, and you are increasingly critical of, and irritated with, your partner for being too emotional. You, the woman, can feel your partner withdrawing, and the more he withdraws, the stronger your feelings become and the more urgently you pursue him, trying to find a way to make some kind of emotional connection. You crave intimacy but settle for crumbs of connection. Research has shown that some men find independent women very attractive. Thats why he would like to pay for most things and not the other way round. Strong women dont fear the past. Only reason I pulled that crap on the bf is because he pulled it on me. An independent woman doesnt need you to tell her its okay. Read more about Power of Positivity. Unintentionally passing the wrong message could put a lady in a position where she is seen as someone that is too independent and doesnt need a man. Web19. Men have a hard time opening up to complex questions. OR its the doe-eyed, heartbreakingly self-destructive waif who hates herself with a fervent relentlessness and we watch, teary-eyed, as she spirals into the harrowing vortex of addiction and self-abuse until the earth shattering moment an authoritative male figure magically appears in her life, by absolute happenstance, and an instant falls in love with her and peels her off the ground, saving her from the cell of herself. The Titan Tragedy and Humanity's Obsession With Danger. A Novel and Efficient Way to Avoid Academic Burnout, The Nature of Language: Mishearing and Miscommunication, Dance Is a Powerful Tool for Emotional and Physical Health, You Dont Have to Follow the Same Routines Forever, New Studies Prove the Brain Is Still a Mystery, Why Some Men Withdraw When Women Get Emotional, Why Men Often Feel Insecure in Their Intimate Relationships, Spotting Emotional Immaturity in High-Conflict Personalities, The Very Best Reasons to Commit to a Relationship. Men in the latter group are those who may enjoy a stronger type of woman, who does not necessarily replace their mother, but are a satisfactory substitute or augment their mother in the relationship. If we ask him if he could maintain a relationship with someone smarter than him, probably he will always respond affirmatively. If you can handle the intensity, love, and honesty she will provide, you might be the partner who can complement this type of woman. You are particularly turned on by scenes in which the womans desire is very overt, but when your partner is open about her own sexual desire, you get turned off. For some, the fear of being alone can result in a compulsive pursuit of dating and relationships. Indeed, we cant deny the fact that many women are now making more money than ever. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Fear. Some of these skills are obtained out of necessity, but nevertheless many men find these qualities quite attractive.
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